oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
