Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I think my fart just growled at me.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
