Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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