I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
