omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
