I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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