I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
