foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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