Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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