i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
