I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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