yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
