Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
