Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
