I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I need moral support for this bender
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
