I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
my nose is crying tears of wow.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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