I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
