Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
it's great music for shaving your balls
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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