clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
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