you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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