Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
