Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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