You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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