Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
