I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Are my feet made of real feet?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
