We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
