Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
