I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
