my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
