Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
