I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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