my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
