Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
