There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
