Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
