Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
