I hate your face
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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