Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
