her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
