do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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