i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
