i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
