she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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