I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i've created a new STD.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
