is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
