can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
