Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
