Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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