haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
