wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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